woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
