TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
