I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize