when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sorry about my life...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
