How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
