All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
