You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize