whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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