Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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