So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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