My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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