im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
