We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
