I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
