No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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