I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
