if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
