I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
