so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
