Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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