I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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