he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
