if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
