She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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