Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
