I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
