I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
