And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
