Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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