His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize