this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
