I accidentally burped into my bong.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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