OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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