The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
