Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Still dying that you shit outside
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
