Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
