I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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