I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
