My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
