Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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