Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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