The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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