I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize