I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
