Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
