White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you win again, gameday.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
