just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize