Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
