He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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