i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
