well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
