Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
