Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
