the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
