Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
