Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
