I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
