I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
