Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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