so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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