We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
