Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize