Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she pinky promised me she was 18
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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