Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
