i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
