i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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