the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I will pee on everything he values.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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