Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
