i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
