I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
