I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
