i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
FUCK WHALES
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
