I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
