Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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