my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
