she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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