So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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