so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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