I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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