Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
