Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
