You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
