Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We left the knife in your bed.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
