Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize