So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
