Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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