your parents love me but you hate me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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