I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
