he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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