God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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