I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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