This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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