I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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