no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize