I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
