new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
