she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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