My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
