yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
