; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
