Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
